The Whizzard of Oz(ark) / A Horse(fly) of a Different Color

Since I was a larvae, I dreamed of transforming into a butterfly. I remember watching their delicate wings descend near the shore as me and my siblings were suspended just beneath the surface of the water. If I were a butterfly, what color would my wings be? I thought with each shedding of my skin. Yellow? Blue? Pink? Green? It really didn't matter to me so long as I was able to take flight; living underwater was such a chore comparatively. Each day was spent avoiding fish from below who threatened to swallow me up completely as well as birds from above who dragged many of my siblings out of the water and into the sky as they screamed out in terror. Needless to say, I was deliriously happy when I emerged from the water to complete my metamorphosis. The excruciating pain of wings growing along my body was numbed by my joyous dreams of soaring above the ground. Where would I go first? I contemplated floating alongside the tallest trees or hovering around the highest peaks. My heart fluttered at these wonderful thoughts, yet I knew exactly where my first stop would be: the surface of the water. I wanted to look at my wings and admire their beauty, whatever color they were. It seemed like an eternity, but finally, the day arrived. I erupted out of the tomb of my previous life and, though a little shaky in the sky at first, I gathered together enough balance to arrive at the water's edge and peered in. MONSTER!!! I hissed as I caught sight of a hideous creature looking up at me from the water's depth. When I set out to fly away from the gargoyle hidden beneath the surface, I realized it wasn't some fish trying to consume me. The monster was me.

Eventually, I came to learn who and what I was from our swarm's leader, Tabani, who also happened to be my mother. We weren't as majestic as the butterfly with its ornate wings, but as horseflies, we were revered as the Protectors of the Territory. We had a duty to uphold the natural order of the forest and to chase away any potential threats with our stinging bites. Little to my knowledge (as I battled for my life beneath the surface of the water), my life was pretty much set for me from the beginning. As the heir to the swarm, I grew up following my mother around the woods, learning how to identify and neutralize threats. She was a strong commander, and I was grateful for the relationship we had, especially as I considered how infrequently my siblings interacted with her, but something was lacking.

Our communication leaned heavily toward tactical manuevers since her commitment to the role took precedence over all else. When she chose to share more, her stories revolved around her mother and the horrific end to her rule at the hands of the "fleshbags." The rage burned through my mother's buzz whenever she recalled the details, cursing those responsible and vowing that she would avenge my grandmother's death. The "intruders" were carefully monitored as suspicions (d)evolved into animosity, hostility, hatred, then rage. Our swarm swooped into countless battles with the humans that trampled through the forest daily; however, the thirst for bloodshed depleted our community as my friends and family were stomped, smashed, and pulverized. Having had some close calls myself, I grew more and more apprehensive about this ruthless approach (were we the monsters?), yet my mother's resolve could not be deterred.

It was a demanding, dismal life---one that did not allow for much daydreaming---but I still found myself circling the butterflies congregating along the water's edge whenever I was not under the watchful eye of my mother or being whisked into battle. I would go so far as to sit down at the surface myself and look into the depths, beyond my reflection, imagining what my life would be like if I had sprouted a different pair of wings. I remember the day I shared my fantasy with my mother. I was still a juvenile fly just coming into her own wings when I asked her, "if you were a butterfly, what color do you think your wings would be?"

"What kind of ridiculous question is that?" she buzzed back, "do you have any idea what is going on in the forest? We don't have the time to waste on nonsense. If we don't fulfill our duty, there will be no butterflies! Those fleshbags are sure to stomp them out just like they have members of our swarm. We are all just annoying bugs to them." It was the first and only time I brought it up; instead, I grew increasingly resentful for what I had become. There seemed to be no hope---death was the curse that awaited us all. I feared my inevitable end, but it seemed the only plausible way to escape from the suffering and slaughter I was living.

One night, my sister Dae flew hastily into the nest and alerted me that a human was skulking around in the shadows. Typically, this type of news wouldn't be so urgent since we rarely jetted around at night, but Dae, like my mother, had a vendetta. She lost 80 children in one day after a human found her eggs near the water and smashed them with rocks.

"Psinae, if you don't want to go out there and watch it, I will," she boldly buzzed. "Maybe a night strike is the best idea since they won't be able to see us as well as they do during the day."

"But we can't see that well either," I replied back. "I don't think it's a good idea to rally the swarm together right now to go attack a hu...fleshbag before we know what it's doing out there. Let me go out and take a look, and I'll report back tomorrow so we can decide how to proceed."

Dae rushed off, and I reluctantly flew to the area where it was spotted. When I arrived, I found it looking up at the moon along the shore of the creek buzzing to itself. I followed as it creeped back into its own nest on the ground. I hoped this would be the end---that we could all move on with our lives in our separate realms---but when I returned back to my nest, I had a feeling it was just the beginning. Sure enough, the next morning, Dae returned even more animated and flustered; the suspect was on the move down the creek and had disrupted quite a few spiders’ webs as it walked along the trees. I was nervous to get my mother involved this early as I knew what her immediate response would be---ATTACK!---so I weighed my options and opted to follow the human with Dae and a few soldiers.

While flying overhead in the direction of the human, I spotted a congregation of butterflies fluttering their wings in harmony along the rocky trail of the creek. Oh how I wish, especially in moments like this, that I was one of them...I mused, but the thought was cut short as Dae caught sight of the human. It seemed a bit disoriented as it trekked across the creek bed to the forest and back, never really taking a particular path. As we were instructed to do by my mother, the two soldiers who accompanied us flew in closer to hover, land, and have a bite; we did need their blood in order to survive as a species after all. Through this exercise, we took note if the human was aggressive or complaisant, violent or peaceful. The first soldier made contact, and after a few moments, was gently swatted away. The second soldier then landed, sunk her teeth in, and was swatted away. This sequence of events continued as the human stepped along the rocks of the creek, almost tipping over on a few occasions. This seemed to agitate it, but it didn't lash out at our soldiers too fiercely.

As it moved closer to the bounty of butterflies on the other side of the creek, I decided we needed to know for certain if it would be destructive; I didn't want any wings to be wounded. I signaled to Dae, and we both hovered closer to the human, taking our own turns now for nourishment but being careful to avoid any swats by not lingering too long in any one place. Perhaps it was a miscalculation on my part, but the human became frantic in trying to escape from us. It began to swing wildly into the air, trying to knock us back, while moving faster in the direction of the butterflies. Oh no, I thought, what if we just made this human angry enough to crush them? I ordered my companions to escalate their biting to force the human into a different direction, but it's rage shifted course instead, and before I could call out to fall back, I was smacked away by one of its limbs, catapulting my body across the creek.

I saw sparkling blue and fluorescent yellow, meek pink and polished green. Had my dreams come true? Am I a butterfly now? I regained my senses and found myself in a kaleidoscope of butterflies. They danced around me, wiggling their bodies as their wings flickered in the sunlight. I'm not sure what they were saying---we speak different flyalects---but I could see they were upset and wanted to make sure I was alright. A few caressed me with their gentle wings and motioned for me to try using my own, but before I could, the human approached and towered over us. This is the end, I thought, at least I had a chance to live as one of these beauties and not just a hideous monster...if only for a flash. Fully expecting its limbs to finish the job, I was surprised when the human remained totally still as it stared at us. The rage it revealed just moments ago had vanished, and its eyes seemed to brighten. The butterflies resumed their prancing, and it followed their movement as its mouth widened to expose its teeth. Was it...happy? After a short time watching, it softly padded back in the direction from which it came, and though I was stunned by the whole experience, I needed to find my companions to let them know I was still alive. All operational systems were a go, and as I flew above this wondrous group, I waved my wings with a promise to return soon. I was overjoyed to see my new friends wave back.

When I reached the check point, I was worried that I didn't find Dae waiting for me. One of the soldiers informed me that she had flown off to advise my mother what happened and that she was requesting a state of emergency. If my mother thinks this human killed me, she is sure to unleash all the fury in her being on it, leading to even more unnecessary death, I considered. I need to tell her what I saw. The soldier briefed me on where to go, and I zipped through the sky to intercept her before it was too late, but when I found her, I also found the human; the battle was already under way. My mother, Dae, and 5 other soldiers were swarming the human as it chased down the rocks of the creek. My mother's plan of attack was in motion; each member of the swarm was pinpointing areas of the human's body that would be difficult for it to defend without stopping and risking a full charge. It was screaming loudly, thrusting its limbs maniacally in all directions as the bites became more agonizingly drawn out. I finally caught up to the carnage and tried to get my mother's attention without getting struck down by a livid limb.

"Mother!" I buzzed out. "You need to stop! It isn't a deadly monster!"

"Psinae! You're alive!" my mother replied excitedly, releasing her teeth from the humans back and flying over to me. "Dae told me you were killed by this fleshbag, so I quickly mobilized soldiers. We almost have him down! I think we might just get our revenge!"

"Mom, you can't continue doing this," I pleaded with her as the battle raged on between the soldiers and the human. "You need to call them off and let this human get back to its nest. You don't understand it the same way I do. You should have saw it with the butterfli---"

"You and those cursed butterflies!" she interrupted. "That's all you ever seem to think about! You don't understand these monsters, Psinae! Haven't my lessons taught you anything?! You can't trust them; they will destroy us and everything we hold dear, even the butterflies!"

"That's not true," I countered. "We are being the monsters here, and if we don't stop, even more of our swarm will die. I don't want you to die, mother. I love you!"

"You're out of line, Psinae," she hissed, pausing from the chase to look at me. "You don't know what these monsters are capable of; my mother trusted them just like you and look what happened to her! They are cruel, blood-thirsty beasts, and if we don't stop them, no one will. You may be my heir and the future leader of this swarm, but I am the current ruler, and it is my duty to protect you and everyone else from these parasites. Now, I cannot abandon my post in this battle or else we are sure to lose."

"But moth---" she zoomed back to the human, not allowing me to finish my plea. I followed behind her, hoping to buzz some sense into her, and then it happened. The human was breathing heavily, screaming and thrashing in place as the group advanced on it. Each of them were strategically placed along its body. In a final moment of desperation, it swung forcibly across its head. It’s hand connected with one of the soldiers. The body crashed down onto the rocks below. I darted in that direction to see if she was still alive. Before I could reach her, the human launched its limb at me. Again, thoughts of butterflies filled my mind as the shadow enveloped me. In an instant, my mother was in front of me, absorbing the brutal smack. Her body plummeted towards the earth.

Time stood still. The human stopped thrashing, the group stopped biting, and I stopped breathing. There was her body, motionless. She was gone. I didn't know what to do. I killed my mother...this monster I trusted killed my mother. The rage grew inside me as I considered killing the traitorous fleshbag. I looked up at him from the rocks and noticed he was looking at my mother's lifeless body and the body of the fallen soldier. What were his eyes expressing this time? Was it guilt? Sadness? I was ready to dash into action as he reached for their bodies, but what he did next was unimaginable: he held them. He didn't crush or heave them; he stared down, mumbled something, then set them back down gently and left. I could barely distinguish Dae's voice as I sat there stunned, but she brought me down to earth and asked if we should follow. "Yes," I replied, hazily, "but only one soldier and only watching. There will be no more bloodshed today."

Everything was a blur until the next morning when the sun rose. I remembered some bright colors peaking through the darkness, my mother's shadow zipping across the surface of the water, the moon dropping tears onto the Earth, and some unfamiliar wings lifting the stars into the sky. I sat quietly in my nest, trying not to think about the loss, hoping it was a dream from which I was still able to emerge, when the soldier who was serving fly on the wall duty reported back that the human had left its nest in the night and dove into the creek. It then retreated back to its nest and remained there till the sun rose. It was last seen walking back to the shore. I thanked her for her service and dismissed her, but before she soared off into the sunlight, she shared something that really woke me up: "they say our wings never stop fluttering no matter who or what we are."

I set off toward the creek, the wind catching my wings as I climbed high above the forest. I looked down at the world that seemed eager to swallow me up, propelling me to fly upward into the clouds. Then, I noticed the human beneath me, sitting on the shore of the creek. It looked so small and insignificant from up here, just like one of my eggs. What kind of wings does it wish that it had? I decided to halt my climb away from the earth and instead join the human on the shore where it was stuck. As I got closer, bursts of vibrant colors came into view, and I realized that it was not alone; the human was sitting in a kaleidoscope of butterflies. In fact, butterflies were perched on its face and body as it sat there motionless. I couldn't believe my eyes. What had this monster done to deserve this? I landed close by, debating whether I should bite it or launch an attack. Then the butterflies huddled around me. My rage and resentment dissolved as they kissed my body with their wings; their acceptance quickly ate away at the negativity. I peeked up to the human's face and saw that same beaming look as yesterday. What kind of butterflies are we? It seemed we both were trying to escape feeling like monsters in a world that will devour us if we're not careful; in the silence of the fluttering kaleidoscope, we finally found peace and joy. The human and I took off shortly after, heading in different directions, but we shared in the understanding that if you find your wings, no matter their shape or color, they will lift you to the heights you always dreamed.

The Whizzard of Oz(ark) / A Horse(fly) of a Different Color

Ozark-St. Francis National Forest - Richland Creek